ERIC THE UNREADY by Bob Bates & Duane Beck © 1993 Legend Entertainment NOTES Here are the measurements you will need to give to Giovanni when you are at the armour shop: Gorget - 16 Cuirass - 1 Vambrace - 6 Tasset - 99B Poleyn - 25 Sabaton - 6E Helmet - 14 Pauldron - 5 Cuissa - brown Greave - 22 Gauntlet - gothic "WHEEL OF TORTURE" questions and answers: Potpourri 'Siss boom bah' is ... 3. The noise a sheep makes before it explodes Queen Morgana's favorite piece of music is. .. 2. The Barber/Surgeon of Seville The air speed of an unladen Garpathian swallow is ... 3. 0 (The Garpathian swallow cannot fly) The song most often sung by singing swords is ... 1. If ever I would cleave you Geography The largest body of water on Torus is ... 1. The Inner Sea The border between This Side of Torus and the Other Side is ... 1. The Rim Mountains The largest wooded area on Torus is ... 3. The Enchanted Forest (until yesterday) The hole in the center of Torus was caused by ... 3. The Centerpunch of the Gods Places to Avoid The most dangerous body of water on Torus is ... 2. The Swamp of Perdition The least effective national defense mechanism ever built is ... 3. The Mimefields of Marceauvia The most desolate spot on Torus is ... 3. The Saralee Desert The Other Side is ... 1. The unexplored portion of Torus Religion St. Filtrum is ... 1. The patron saint of oil changes St. Aglet is ... 3. The baby sister of St. Ag Cabriole is ... 1. The garment worn by a Lombish Priest while performing the Great Horned Llama Dance during fertility ceremonies 667 is ... 3. The Number of the Beast's brother Mythology Kawabunga is ... 2. Where the souls of surfers of the Great Barrier Flume go when they "wipe out" Thunder is ... 2. The sound made when the gods go bowling The Divine Right of Kings. .. 3. Follows the Sacred Left Jab of Kings The name of the Gods' favorite Soap Opera is ... 3. One Long Life to Live Weapons beginning with 'B' A device used to hurl large missiles is a ... 2. Ballista A barbed dart used in bullfights is a ... 3. Banderilla A sturdy inexpensive jackknife is a ... 1. Barlow A cannon that hurls large stones is a ... 2. Bombard More Weapons beginning with 'B' A broad bladed knife or sword is a ... 1. Barong A cudgel is a ... 3. Baton Stone balls at end of cord are a ... 2. Bola A movable siege tower is a ... 3. Belfry Military The shortest war in Torian History was ... 3. The Seven Seconds War The Battle of Agingcourt was fought ... 1. Over lack of upkeep of tennis facilities The most entertaining Military Action was ... 1. The Boxer Shorts Rebellion The first war in the animal kingdom was ... 3. The Mongrel Revolt Legal The Law of Amazing Coincidences was discovered ... 2. By two people at the same time The Law of Diminishing Returns ... 3. Eventually slowed down and then stopped working altogether The Law of Selective Gravity states that ... 2. When you are juggling items, the thing you drop will be the most valuable The Law of Inverse Proportions states that ... 1. Only magical objects can be bigger on the inside than on the outside Famous Sayings of Bjorn the Berserker The fastest way to a man's heart is through ... 3. His breastbone with an axe It is better to have loved and lost than ... 3. To have loved and been dismembered When in Rome ... 3. Loot, pillage, and sack. Then burn If you can't say something nice about someone ... 3. Cut his head off SOLUTION SATURDAY - The Beginning (you start at the Farmyard) TALK TO FARMER, W, OPEN CHEST, GET VIAL AND EXAMINE IT (it's Tort-Ease), GET BOTTLE AND EXAMINE IT (it's Hog-Wild), GET ROPE, E, NE, READ PAPER, TIE ROPE TO HOOK, D, GIVE HOG-WILD TO PIG (she hangs on your legs), U, SW, KISS PIG (the farmer's daughter arrives), W (the barn collapses). SUNDAY - The Quest for Lorealle (you wake up on the bed in the Barracks) READ CARD, WAIT, G, GET ALL, E, READ PAPER, N, S, WAIT, G (4 times), W, READ SIGN, W, GIVE CARD TO GIOVANNI (now you have to answer three copy protection questions, see NOTES), WEAR CLOAK, LOOK IN POCKET, GET PACKET AND READ IT, E, S, FILL HELMET WITH WATER, N, N, N, TALK TO GUARD, GET KINDLING, S, PLANT BEAN, WATER IT, CLIMB BEANSTALK (you get a gold coin), S, S, W (Ulric gives you a torch), E, PUT KINDLING IN FIREPLACE AND LIGHT IT (Bobbin gives his earmuffs to you), W, N, GIVE COIN TO BARD, WEAR EARMUFFS, WAIT, G, N, N, U, WAIT, G, S, GET BANANA, THROW BANANA IN POND (a horse drags you to the edge of the Enchantes Forest where you fall asleep). MONDAY - The Cemetery, The Enchanted Forest, and The Not So Great Undergroud Empire (you wake up in a Cemetery) READ PAPER, W, TALK TO TREE, GIVE FLOAT TO TREE, W, MOVE BRANCHES (you discover a trap door), OPEN DOOR, D, OPEN BOX, READ MAIL, READ SIGN, W, NE, TALK TO FRAN, SW (Fran gives you a pickaxe), E, EXAMINE DOOR, OPEN DOOR WITH PICKAXE, E, PULL RUG (again you discover a trap door), OPEN TRAP DOOR (you are given e key), UNLOCK CASE, GET BEARD, U, SEARCH BONES, EXAMINE LICENSE, D, W, W, WEAR BEARD, KNEEL, S, TALK TO DWARF, GIVE MAIL TO HIM, GIVE LICENSE TO HIM (you see a construction crew building a theme park), W (to the Game Booth where you have to win a memory game to get a slingshot), SW (a dwarf family gives you a 20 zonkmid piece), NE, BUY STARTER ROCK (Fran also hands you a bungee cord), SW, PUSH LEVER, SIT, LOAD SLINGSHOT, PRESS GREEN BUTTON, SHOOT RED BUTTON, STAND, GET PITCHFORK, TIE CORD TO BRANCH, JUMP (you are given the headrest special), E, E, U, DROP ROCK, U (you step onto the rock and climb the attic), U (you push aside the slab and climb out; you flee from the fire and collapse in exhaustion). TUESDAY - The Tavern and Blicester Castle (you wake up on a road in front of a tavern) N, READ PAPER, TALK TO BRUCE, TALK TO HOWARD, READ SIGN, READ BOOK (a coupon flutters out), READ COUPON, GIVE COUPON TO BRUCE, READ MENU and order Mead Lite, S, W, W, N, GET BERRIES AND EXAMINE THEM, NW, GIVE TORT-EASE TO TURTLES, READ PROCLAMATION, E, TALK TO OAF, GIVE MEAD LITE TO HIM, GET BRANCH, W, U, LIGHT BRANCH, D, MELT WAX, PRESS BLOB ON KEY (you get a perfect impression of it), GET BLOB, NW, E, N, GIVE BLOB TO HOWARD (he hands you a shiny new key), S, W, NW, OPEN DOOR (now win the Wheel of Torture gameshow [see NOTES] to get the wrench; an explosion knocks you out). WEDNESDAY - St. Barchan's Day Fair and The Dragon (you wake up at the entrance to the fairground) READ PAPER, LISTEN, N, TALK TO COOK, N, READ SIGN, WAIT 2 HOURS (or more until 11:01; you hear the story of the dragon), S, NE, SHOOT TARGET, G (repeat until you get a whoopee cushion), SW, W, LOOK AT WOODCUTS (you can see they are silhouettes of Lily), WAIT, TALK TO MUSICIAN, E, N, W, GET BAND, GET LEECH, CLOSE SHADE, PUT BAND ON VIPER, PUT CORD ON AARDVARK, GET MARBLE (a troll takes it away), STAND ON BOARD, GET MARBLE, E, WAIT 2 HOURS (continue waiting until the jugglers come on stage and challenge people in the audience to toss them something), THROW LEECH TO JUGGLERS (they remove their gloves), GET GLOVES, S, WEAR GLOVES, CLIMB MAYPOLE (you pluck the boa), N, N, GIVE BOA TO LILY (she gives you the boa back and the weed), S, I (because of the exchanging of the letters R and W when you are in Lily's 'Dwessing Woom' you notice that the Weed has become a Reed), S, W, WAIT, G, GIVE REED TO MUSICIAN (he hands you the sunglasses), WEAR GLASSES, PLAY GAME, TURN OVER whichever shell the glasses reveal the key is under, E, E, E, SIT ON CUSHION (you are given a fool's cap), SPIT, WAIT, G, G (a boy appears with his father), SPIT AT BOY (he throws an apple at you), WAIT (repeat until the nymph opens the stocks), W, GIVE APPLE TO COOK (he removes his apron), GET APRON, NE, GIVE WOODCUTS TO BARKER (you keep the crossbow), SW, S, WEAR APRON, WEAR CAP, W, SHOOT AT whichever part of the dragon correspondends to where he breathes fire at you (you don't have to shoot at the vulnerable spot that's indicated); the dragon then deflates about the size of a cigarette lighter, GET ALL (dragon, steak and ring; then you are knocked unconscious by an explosion). THURSDAY - Temple of Virgins and Mountains of the Gods (you wake up in a Pasture) READ PAPER, MOON UNICORN (you land on the branch of a tree), GET LEAF, W, READ SIGN, GET ROBE AND WEAR IT, LOOK IN POCKET, GET HANKY, RING FOURTH BELL, TALK TO GIRL, GIVE PAPER TO HER, GIVE HANKY TO HER, WAIT, G, W, PUT HANKY AND LEAF IN BOWL, GET BLOB, RING FOURTH BELL, WAIT, G (you passed the test), N, WEAR RING (the upper half of your body diseppears), GET IN VAT, WAIT, G (a young girl is flung onto the floor), TALK TO GIRL, GIVE BOOK TO HER, WAIT, G, G (Molochi opens his mouth), N, READ SIGN, WAIT (you reach the Promontory), TALK TO GOD, SW, W, TALK TO GODDESS, N, LISTEN, G, S (the god gives you a note), E, S, READ NOTE, SHOW NOTE TO CLIO, EXAMINE CASE, WAIT (you are taken into Morty's office), GIVE NOTE TO MORTY (he gives you a token and Clio comes in), E, GET COSTUME AND EXAMINE IT, EXAMINE TOKEN, E, READ BOARD, G (you read "Fresh cakes for all occasions. Call 1-800-DOMINUS"), N, S, S, EXAMINE MACHINE, TALK TO REPAIRGOD, GIVE TOKEN TO HIM (he repairs the machine and gives you a coin), PUT COIN IN SLOT (you get a bottle of nectar), N, READ LIST and choose "Setting up Sodom/Gomorrah: Priming the Fountain", READ BOOK ("Getting up Spa From Agora: Climbing the Mountain"), S, S, TALK TO RICHARD, GIVE BOOK TO HIM (he hands you a copy), N, READ BOOK, E, EXAMINE MACHINE, PUSH CRANK, GET SLIMEWIG, W, W, N (a pigeon drops a note), GET NOTE AND READ IT, S, SHOW NOTE TO CLIO, WAIT, G, G (Morty guides you into his office), GIVE NOTE TO MORTY (Clio comes in), E, GET WOAD, N (again a pigeon drops a note), GET NOTE AND READ IT, S, SHOW NOTE TO CLIO, WAIT, G, G (Morty guides you into his office), GIVE NOTE TO MORTY (Clio comes in), E, CALL 1-800-DOMINUS, WAIT, G, G, G (a delivery boy hands you a cake), N, W, N, GIVE CAKE TO NORTH WIND, PULL DRAGON TAIL, LIGHT CANDLES, S (the pond has frozen), GET KEY, E, NE, GIVE NECTAR TO GOD, G, G (he goes off to pee), GET EGG, SW, DROP EGG, WEAR COSTUME, WEAR WOAD, STAND ON EGG, EAT SLIMEWIG, TURN AROUND, G, SQUAWK (a golden stair appears), U, EXAMINE LOCK, OPEN IT, GET CROWBAR, WAIT (the mountain deflates and you are knocked out). FRIDAY - Swamp Trek (you wake up on the shore of the Swamp of Perdition) READ PAPER, EXAMINE CREW, N (you board the raft and you're lost), TALK TO ZULU, GIVE BERRIES TO ZULU (you are no longer lost), WAIT, G (4 times, you reach Phantasy Island), EXAMINE CAGE, EXAMINE BOLT, TALK TO DADDOO, SIT and direct the raft to Milligan's Island (middle right on the map), GET UMBRELLA AND EXAMINE IT, GET BOTTLE AND LOOK INSIDE IT, GET MATCHBOOK AND EXAMINE IT, connect the dots, PUT MATCHBOOK IN BOTTLE, PUT BOTTLE IN WATER, WAIT, G (3 times, the bottle returns), GET BOTTLE AND LOOK IN IT (ou can see a certificate), GET CERTIFICATE AND READ IT, SIT and go to Treasure Island (top left on the map), READ SIGN, CLIMB OVER FENCE (you hand over the certificate and the bottle), now pass the exam (any answers will do at the end of the teaching session, then you're given a bottle of rum), EXAMINE BOTTLE, SIT and go to Monkey Island (middle left on the map), EXAMINE MONKEY, YOOHOO (an arm rises out of the swamp and throws you a banana), GIVE BANANA TO MONKEY, GET COCONUT, SIT and go to Lilliput (top right on the map), PUT UMBRELLA ON BELT, PUT COCONUT ON BELT, FLIP LEVER, PUT DRAGON ON BELT, SIT and go to the iceberg (bottom left on the map; the dragon melts the iceberg), SIT and go to Gnoll Island (continue bottom left on the map), EXAMINE GNOLLS, GET OFF RAFT, E, PUT COCONUT ON GUILLOTINE, PUT UMBRELLA AND RUM IN COCONUT, W, SIT and go back to Phantasy Island, GIVE COCONUT TO DADDOO (he gives you the bolt cutters, you free everyone, race from the tidal wave and collapse). SATURDAY - Witch's Castle (you start outside a Black Gate) READ PAPER, GET BOX (you can't), PUT PITCHFORK IN TAR, GET BOX AND EXAMINE IT, READ FINE PRINT (contains explosives), EXAMINE BIRD, THROW CROWBAR AT IT, EXAMINE EYE, PUT STEAK ON IT, EXAMINE LIGHTNING, CUT IT WITH BOLT CUTTERS, EXAMINE MOON, TURN IT WITH WRENCH (the gate opens and the witch transports you to the turret room of her castle), EXAMINE HOURGLASS, TURN IT, READ BOOK (the page is blank), LOOK IN CRYSTAL BALL (the page turns), READ BOOK, EXAMINE EYEBALLS, GET THEM, EXAMINE SKULL, PUT EYEBALLS IN IT, HOOT (some symbols appear on the mirror; the answer to the mirror's question is IIIVX - a dark passageway is revealed), W, EXAMINE CHAIN, LOOK IN HOLE, W, GET MAKEUP AND EXAMINE IT, EXAMINE BROOMSTICK, EXAMINE WINDOW, E, WAIT (for whatever interval is required to make the time exactly 10:30 or any time between 10:30 and 10:59), PUT MAKEUP ON CHAIN, W, OPEN WINDOW, RIDE BROOM, G (you end up in a Crawlspace), EXAMINE TRAP DOOR, OPEN IT, U, WAIT, G (repeat until the chandelier kills the beast), GIVE BOX TO WITCH, GET LOREALLE, OUT, EXAMINE LOREALLE, KISS HER, BLOW WHISTLE (a duck appears), SIT ON DUCK (you end up in Fudd's Castle and score 1000 out of 1000 points).