LABOUR PAINS
by Stephen Boyd and Jonathan Scott
Zenobi Software
This is a pleasant game, mostly straightforward with a few difficult
sections. The humour and vocabulary are definite British (British farce
that is) and requires knowledge of English slang. You play a pregnant
woman and are not quite sure what it is that you are supposed to do,
other than the obvious - find a hospital in which to give birth. There
are 1 or 2 illogical gaps, but then who am I to quibble - maybe I just
didn’t understand.
Part 1:
I (you are wearing a nightie), EXAMINE DRESSER (you get a hairbrush),
EXAMINE HAIRBRUSH (it is necessary to get into the hospital), EXAMINE
WINDOW (closed and the curtains are closed), OPEN CURTAINS (you can’t),
S, EXAMINE WARDROBE (there is a keyhole and the door is shut), OPEN
WARDROBE (someone is holding the door from the inside), E, EXAMINE
TABLE, EXAMINE TELEPHONE, CONNECT TELEPHONE, LIFT RECEIVER (you hear
a conversation), YELL (you hear glass breaking), NE, GET GOWN, EXAMINE
GOWN (necessary for hospital), WEAR GOWN, SW, E, EXAMINE RACK (you get
the towel), EXAMINE TOWELS (necessary for hospital), EXAMINE SINK (plug
is out), S, EXAMINE FISHBOWL, TAKE FISHBOWK, N, DROP PLUG, POUR
FISHBOWEL, TAKE GUN, EXAMINE GUN, W, W, INSERT GUN IN KEYHOLE, PUSH
TRIGGER (Pete comes out), EXAMINE WARDROBE, TAKE COAT, WEAR COAT, TAKE
CASE, OPEN CASE, PUT TOWEL IN CASE, REMOVE GOWN, PUT GOWN IN CASE, PUT
HAIRBRUSH IN CASE, CLOSE CASE.
Go E, E, S, DROP FISHBOWL, N, W, NE, N, EXAMINE BLOKE, WATCH DEL (stone
flies to the east), E, TAKE STONE, EXAMINE STONE (it’s sharp), S, SAY
COP , UP (you can’t pass the barricade), N, W, W, READ SIGN, S, EXAMINE
MATILDA, EXAMINE BOX, SAY MATILDA (she wants more stones), DROP STONE
IN BOX (things happen), W, EXAMINE DRIVER, SAY DRIVER, E, OPEN BOX,
E, E, S, S, EXAMINE APHRODITE, ASK APHRODITE ABOUT DRIVER, N, N, W,
W, W, ASK DRIVER ABOUT APHRODITE (he drives you north), E, EXAMINE
SCULPTOR, SAY SCULPTOR (he wants deeds), EXAMINE CRACK, TAKE DEEDS
(they are out of reach), NE, TAKE ALL, EXAMINE BOX (it says “eat me”),
EXAMINE BOTTLE (it says “drink me”).
EXAMINE WALL, LISTEN (you hear the password “FUEHRER”), SW, E, SAY MAYOR
(he wants a crystal ball), E, EXAMINE POND, W, W, NE, W, W (ignore the
artichoke), E, E, W (you see Lionel), SAY LIONEL (he has a fuse), W
(i.e. follow Lionel), GET FUSE (he wants a statue of himself), EXAMINE
COOKER, EXAMINE FAN (you get tweezers), E, E, SW, EXTRACT DEEDS, NE,
W, W, N, E, EXAMINE BRIDGE, EXAMINE KEYSTONE, E, GET NET, W, W, NE,
SMASH MACHINE (you get a coin), SW, EXAMINE STALL, TAKE COIN , GIVE
COIN (you get a tube of crystal polish), S, E, E, SW, E, E, SQUIRT TUBE,
EXAMINE POND, GET BALL, W, GIVE BALL (you get a seal), W, NE, W, W,
N, E, E, TYPE FUEHRER, DROP SEAL ON PERMIT, PUSH PERMIT, W, W, W, S,
E, E, SW, ASK SCULPTOR ABOUT FLARE, NE, W, EXAMINE STATUE, E, W, GET
FUSE, W, N, E, E, NE, EXAMINE SECRETARY, SAY SECRETARY (the shredder
needs a fuse), X SHREDDER, W (doctor tells you about Susan and Fred).
SEARCH CABINET, EXAMINE RECORDS, E, INSERT FUSE, COPY RECORDS, W, DROP
RECORDS, SW, W, GET KEYSTONE, W, NE, DRINK BOTTLE, S, W, EAT BISCUIT,
READ NOTICE, SMASH TRAPDOOR WITH KEYSTONE, DOWN, DROP ALL, DOWN, (you
hear things, remember the word “tumult”). This ends Part One.
Part 2:
OPEN EYES (you can’t), TUMULT, OPEN EYES (you are in the hospital),
EXAMINE TOUCH, SAY TOUCH, EXAMINE BED, EXAMINE PILLOW, W (Touch asks
for your records and says he needs his glass eye), E, EXAMINE EYE,
EXAMINE PATIENT, SAY PATIENT, SAY PATIENT WATERMELON, (he throws the
eye to the west ), W, CATCH EYE, GIVE EYE, INSERT EYE, GIVE RECORDS
(you find that you suitcase is already upstairs), W, EXAMINE MATRON,
SAY MATRON (she asks about a pop star - Diz), EXAMINE GRAMOPHONE (you
are told to PLAY RECORD), N, EXAMINE BODIES, EXAMINE BODY (you see Del),
RIP PILLOW (you get a feather), TICKLE BODY (you get a newspaper
clipping), TAKE CLIPPING, N, EXAMINE TURNIP, SAY TURNIP, SEARCH DRAWERS
(you get a blowtorch), EXAMINE BLOWTORCH (needs swamp water), E, READ
GRAFFITI, (Fred was here), GET POSTER (you can’t).
Go E, EXAMINE CASE, FILL BLOWTORCH, EXAMINE FRANK, S, EXAMINE MASONARY,
SEARCH MASONARY (you find a forgery notebook), EXAMINE NOTEBOOK
(FORGE____to use), N, N, W, EXAMINE CLERK, SAY CLERK, GIVE CLIPPING,
GET HANKY, E, S, W, W, GIVE HANKY, SAY TURNIP, E, E, N, W, OPEN CABINET,
GET TEST, FIND TURNIP, FORGE TEST, CLOSE CABINET, E, S, W, W, WAIT,
(the men realize their mistake; Turnip asks you to tell Frank), E, E,
SAY FRANK TURNIP, GET PLUNGER, W, EXAMINE CORNER (you get a stick),
GET POSTER, EXAMINE POSTER, E, S, W, LIFT CHEESE (you get a record),
EXAMINE RECORD (hypnotic chants), E, N, W, W, S, S (the matron grabs
the poster), GET GRAMOPHONE (the table collapses), N, N, E, E, PLAY
RECORD (Frank is transfixed), EXAMINE CLOCK, WAIT (the wedding starts),
FIRE BLOWTORCH (you hear a door being demolished), N, W, W, UP.
Go S, EXAMINE TEDDY, EXAMINE GIRL, SAY GIRL (she needs her picture),
EXAMINE HOUSE, EXAMINE MAT, LIFT MAT (you get a magazine), READ MAGAZINE
(you read an article about defusing warheads), S, S, EXAMINE SISTER,
GET CHAIN (you can’t), E, PULL ELASTIC (you can’t), EXAMINE LIFT, GET
SPADE, EXAMINE SPADE, W, N, E, EXAMINE PICTURE, GET PICTURE (too high),
EXAMINE NURSE, SAY NURSE (don’t jag her), NE, EXAMINE MAYPOLE (you see
tacks), N, DIG (you get a key), EXAMINE KEY, W, EXAMINE CASE, GET CASE,
UNLOCK CASE (you get lollies), E, S, W, EXAMINE HANDBAG, OPEN HANDBAG,
SEARCH HANDBAG GET NAILFILE, CLOSE HANDBAG, E, GET TACK, SW, JAG NURSE,
TAKE PICTURE.
Go W, N, GIVE PICTURE, EXAMINE WINDOW, TAKE CAMERA, EXAMINE CAMERA,
S, S, USE CAMERA, TAKE CHAIN, N, E, NE, DROP PHOTO ON DOOR, S, SAY
TEACHER, DEFUSE WARHEAD, UNTIE TEACHER, N, SW, W, S, E (the kids pull
the elastic), DROP CASE, E, EXAMINE PULLEY, CONNECT CHAIN, PULL CHAIN
(the lift rises and you see a spider), W, N, EXAMINE FRED, SAY FRED
(he is looking for his sister), E, EXAMINE CEILING (there is a light
fixture), W, S, N, ASK MOTHER (she is here to see the baby), E, N, N,
EXAMINE BOLLARDS (arachnophobia will cause people to freeze), W,
EXAMINE MASCARA (it’s green), W, S, EXAMINE VICKY, SAY VICKY (she needs
tickets), E (you see Georgie who offers you one bulb of three), TAKE
GREEN, EXAMINE SNOOP, W, N, E (ASK MUM ABOUT SNOOP (she says Georgie
is arachnophobic), E, S, S, INSERT GREEN, N, EXAMINE THESEUS, ASK
THESEUS, ABOUT CONSULTANT, TAKE FLOWER, S, W, S, EXAMINE CONSULTANT,
GIVE FLOWER, TAKE TICKETS, N, E, N, N, W, W, S (everyone looks at the
baby), WAIT (Fred follows you), E, ASK FRED ABOUT SPIDER (he takes it
and outs it on a leash), W, N, E, N, N, W, W, S, E (Georgie runs off),
W, N, WAIT (until mother arrives and she kills the spider), S, E, SW,
EXAMINE PETE, SAY PETE, YELL. The ending is played out.
Terri Sheehan
2003-03-30
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